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These are some lyrics I wrote to my brothers and sisters about my mother.

You stole her,

You took her away from me

Before you came, she loved me a lot,

When you were there, she loved me. NOT

She was pregnant with, or caring for,

The rest of you!

I had to pretend to be sick to get her attention

I'd gladly have gone through all the detention

In the world to get her to notice me.

She never saw the love in my eyes,

That so closely resembled her own,

She never saw when I screamed and I cried

All because I felt so alone!

Oh she noticed I was becoming a woman,

but didn't see the child still there,

She said I was pretty but never said she loved me

She was far to busy to braid *my* hair.

And the time she said she'd never cared

I cried all night into my pillow

It felt like my heart had been ripped , teared

Annd I couldn't tell her how I felt

But I'll break away

Some future day,

I'll go and prove I'm good

Maybe then I'll be understood

I'm gonna make her so proud of me.

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It is a sad tale...

If that was the feeling that you wanted to portray in your lyrics.. then it is definitely a good set of poetic lyrics. =)

*cries and hugs mom*

edit:

I hope your friend will find resolve in this.

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thats a good song pritty sad but it was good :)

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its hard to completly critique with out knowing the proper melody

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iight Breakdown%26lt;Structure was iight, half of the lines didnt rhyme, kouldnt rlly find a melody through out it. It was a good topic and deep, more like poetry.. Just need to werk on ya writing style. Stay Up

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Well, I don't really like it, because, your friend needs to know that ...when new siblings come along, she or he won't always have all the attention.